


Eridan and Nepeta Become Friends

by Tirgo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of kissing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pesterlog, Pre-Hivebent, Rare Pairings, Shipping, Sloppy Makeouts, a bit not pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tirgo/pseuds/Tirgo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lonely as usual, Eridan tries to befriend one of the few trolls he hasn't completely alienated yet, Nepeta. And then come the strange feelings he has when talking to her...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. About To Do This

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 16:04 --

CA: ugh i cant fuckin believe im about to do this  
AC: :33 ◄ *acs ears purrk up as she hears the whining of a certain strange fishy guy*  
CA: i am regrettin this already  
CA: wwhat kind a loww am i sinkin myself into  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac pawnders why ampurra is contacting her and why he keeps talking to himself like a weirdo!*  
CA: alright wwhat the fuck evver  
CA: i havve decided to speak to you and for that you should be fuckin grateful  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac ponders if purrhaps mr ampurra has forgotten that cats love to eat fishy weirdos*  
CA: can you stop wwith the stupid fuckin role playin shit now  
CA: im tryin to stay civvil an youre kinda makin it hard  
AC: :33 ◄ alright what do you want already?  
CA: land dwwellers havve no concept of manners  
CA: if it wwere up to me i wwould havve nevver evven began this doomed fuckin convversation  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac rolls her eyes and purrtends not to hear ampurras dumb whining*  
CA: wwhat is your lusus like  
AC: :33 ◄ ummm what  
CA: im just askin wwhat kind a lusus raised such a disrespectful beast such as yourself  
AC: :33 ◄ wow that is really kind of rude  
AC: :33 ◄ for your information pounce is the bestest and most purrfect lusus a troll could ever have!  
CA: an wwhat kind a things do you do wwhen youre alone  
AC: :33 ◄ oh my gosh  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 ◄ are you trying to get to know me right now or something?  
CA: wwhat do you mean  
AC: :33 ◄ i get it! youre just trying to hit on me or something  
AC: :33 ◄ well not today mister!  
CA: no youre wwrong  
CA: dont you fuckin block me i swwear  
CA: all you fuckin land dwwellers are the fuckin same

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA] at 16:17 --

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 16:17 --

\---

Eridan slammed his keyboard. Fuck. Of course he had to just keep annoying her. Damn it, he actually wanted to talk to her. This wasn't like any average everyday chat hit-up, this time he had an agenda and everything. Too bad he had to just screw it up and insult her one too many times. It was so hard to keep from displaying his disdain. The waters of hatred run deep, and his hatred for land dwellers ran deepest of all. Eridan took a deep breath and considered his next tactical strategy. He could just leave this alone. But did he have anything better to do that night? No, probably not. Talking to Nepeta basically constituted his plans. He punched his desk a couple times and took off his glasses to rub his eyes in exasperation. Okay, so quitting wasn't an option. His plan would come to fruition one way or another. But how could he get her to unblock him? He put his glasses back on and considered his next course of action. Maybe he could... yes, maybe that would work...

\---

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 16:38 --

AC: :33 ◄ ok you get one more chance, ampurra   
AC: :33 ◄ and only because karkitty asked me to unblock you!   
CA: okay   
AC: :33 ◄ now for the rules   
CA: wwhat   
AC: :33 ◄ furst rule, you cant make fun of me whatsoever!   
CA: ugh fine   
AC: :33 ◄ second rule, you cant mention land dwellers at all!   
CA: oh COME ON   
AC: :33 ◄ thats the rules ampurra   
AC: :33 ◄ and if i even get a hint that youre hitting on me im just gonna block you!   
CA: alright alright   
AC: :33 ◄ you gotta pawmise!   
CA: i fuckin promise alright   
CA: i wwont make fun of you or hit on you or mention land wwhatevvers   
AC: :33 ◄ good!   
CA: youre puttin me in a real fuckin bind right noww   
AC: :33 ◄ fine by me   
AC: :33 ◄ but why do you want to talk to me so bad if youre not trying to hit on me?   
CA: evven the greatest military leaders in the wworld required allies in their strife   
CA: wwithout a tactician or political allies those fine generals wwoulda nevver got close to wwinnin a fuckin wwar or anythin   
CA: as a future wworld leader i am makin it my personal goal to gain good grace wwith all forms of troll   
CA: evven includin   
CA: um   
CA: yknoww   
AC: :33 ◄ what are you even talking about??   
CA: ugh i kneww this was pointless   
CA: wwhat am i evven fuckin doin right noww   
CA: i should just shut the fuck up   
AC: :33 ◄ wait   
AC: :33 ◄ do you   
AC: :33 ◄ do you want to be my furiend?   
CA: oh god   
CA: as i wwas sayin it is in the best interest of wwar leaders to gain allies   
AC: :33 ◄ oh my god you are such a dork   
CA: i am not a dork   
CA: the reason i tried to contact you today is to try an recruit you for my future army   
CA: your considerable expertise in huntin could come in handy on field missions an the like   
AC: :33 ◄ wow, this is really weird   
AC: :33 ◄ so making fun of people and insulting them is your way of trying to say that you like them?   
CA: dont you evven fuckin imply for a single second that my goals in this mission are to become your fuckin friend   
CA: as if i could be friends wwith a fuckin land dwwe   
CA: fuck   
CA: i mean   
AC: :33 ◄ watch it!!   
CA: fuck   
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33, this is fun   
AC: :33 ◄ well, i dont really know what to say, ampurra!   
AC: :33 ◄ im still pretty hurt about what you said about pounce   
CA: i wwould havve thought that that wweird fuck you call a moirail wwoulda told you about respectin sea dwwellers   
AC: :33 ◄ hey, no making fun of equius either!   
CA: glub   
CA: alright let me just fuckin backstroke for a second   
CA: as a member a my army you wwould obtain sevveral benefits including a high seat in the govvernment after i take ovver alternia   
AC: :33 ◄ you really are a weird guy, ampurra   
AC: :33 ◄ youre actually kinda funny too!   
CA: im not funny shut up   
AC: :33 ◄ purrhaps i could consider your offur   
AC: :33 ◄ but theres something we gotta do before then!   
CA: wwhat   
AC: :33 ◄ we gotta role play!   
CA: UGH are you kiddin me   
AC: :33 ◄ oh come on! its really fun!   
AC: :33 ◄ youre such a drama queen that role playing will come to you almost immediately   
AC: :33 ◄ im pawsitive!   
CA: no   
CA: hell no   
CA: no fuckin wway am i partakin in any kind a fuckin peaceful role playin wwith some land skimmin fuck like   
CA: god damn it   
AC: XOO ◄ ampurra what did i say!!

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 16:55 --


	2. Peaceful Role Playin

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 12:05 --

CA: *eridan givves the fuck up and uses the fuckin star mark signs to denote doing fake things*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac gr33ts ampurra happily and starts pawing at his big dumb cape*   
CA: my cape isnt dumb   
CA: i mean   
CA: *eridans cape isnt dumb an anyone wwho thinks that is fuckin WWRONG*   
CA: *eridan gets to wwork on his plots to annihilate all land dwwellers*   
AC: :33 ◄ ((ooc the rules!!))   
CA: ughh are we still doin that   
AC: :33 ◄ ((ooc yep))   
CA: *eridan makes a devvice designed to annihilate evveryone except sea dwwellers*   
CA: happy   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac flits her long tail over ampurras silly machine and it breaks!*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac is made to be a hero fur her amazing heroics*   
CA: this is stupid   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac says that it isnt stupid*   
CA: *eridan takes out one of his lesser sniper rifles and gets to wwork takin out evvery fuckin troll wwithin fivve knots*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac rubs up against ampurras silly hipster pants and purrs*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ampurra is so distracted that he misses all of his shots and his rifle snaps in half!*   
CA: wwhy wwould it snap in half   
AC: :33 ◄ ((ooc i snapped it in half!))   
CA: fuckin   
CA: *eridan grabs the cat circlin his NOT SILLY PANTS an throwws her into a lake*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac jumps out of the lake and claws ampurras face!*   
CA: *eridan is amazed by the cat girls vvicious attempts at securin black romance an informs her that he is already taken in such a respect*   
AC: :33 ◄ wait really?? :00   
AC: :33 ◄ i mean *ac says wait really*   
CA: yeah so dont evven try it   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac was trying no such thing*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac asks who ampurra is in a black relationship with!!*   
CA: none a your fuckin business   
AC: :33 ◄ cmon tell me   
CA: nope   
AC: :33 ◄ tell me tell me tell meee   
CA: not in your fuckin life   
AC: :33 ◄ come on pleaaaase   
CA: no   
AC: :33 ◄ yes!   
CA: no   
AC: :33 ◄ yes!!   
CA: im not fuckin tellin you so BACK THE FUCK OFF   
AC: :33 ◄ im gonna find out one way or another ampurra   
CA: wwhat howw   
AC: :33 ◄ i have my ways   
CA: wwhat wways   
AC: :33 ◄ uuummmmm   
AC: :33 ◄ secret ways!   
CA: are you just gonna ask kar   
AC: :33 ◄ yep   
CA: uhuh wwell you can try but i wwould think itd be impossible   
CA: me an kar are like best buds an our bond of friendship couldnt be broken by a stupid delusional land dwweller such as yourself   
AC: :33 ◄ dont furrget the rules ampurra!!   
CA: glub   
AC: :33 ◄ ill see what i can dig up   
AC: :33 ◄ talk to you soon ;))   
CA: wwait no

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 12:32 --

\---

Eridan punched his desk in flamboyant fury. Of course, his mention of having a kismesis was a lie. Although he wished that he wasn't lying. Not too long ago, it looked as though he and the Marquise were meant to be, their incredible rivalry fueling the black hatred of all trollkind. Until Vriska got bored of him and started ignoring him, that is. Now he was working on a doomsday machine that he could use to get into her good graces once more. Eridan glanced over at the wall littered with schematics and notes. Foremost on the wall was his sketches of the DOOMSDAY MACHINE, although he had specifically modified it to not work as intended. He narrowed his eyes with a scowl and looked back at his computer. He scrolled down his list of contacts. He could try and talk Karkat out of leaking his information, but he appeared to be offline. His moirail also seemed to be busy. Not that he would have began talking to her right now anyway. Conversations with her lead nowhere nowadays. 

Eridan rose out of his desk chair and strolled around the room, kicking over stacks of gold coins and glaring out the window. The seas seemed to constantly be in disarray, and black clouds covered the sky. Eridan turned around and found his lusus peering at him, looking stoic as always. Eridan sighed and sat back down. There wasn't really much point in raging around the ship. But still, there wasn't much to do on the computer either. As he glared at the computer screen, hardly comprehending the sight, a message appeared, snapping him out of his reverie of boredom.

\---

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 12:39 --

AC: :33 ◄ *ac purrs and starts playing with ampurras silly wizard scarf*   
CA: ugh   
CA: *eridan pushes the cat awway from his obvviously sophisticated an impressivve accessories*   
AC: :33 ◄ *ac opens one of her two mouths and says so i talked to karkat*   
CA: damn it   
CA: er   
CA: *eridan says damn it*   
CA: *in a mad wway*   
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33   
AC: :33 ◄ so you had a thing going with vwiskers?   
AC: :33 ◄ but it wasnt a real thing   
CA: oh god   
AC: :33 ◄ it was just something you hoped   
CA: shut the fuck up   
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33, im sorry   
AC: :33 ◄ now i have to update my wall!   
CA: wwall   
CA: wwhat wwall   
AC: :33 ◄ oh, its nothing, dont furet about it   
CA: okay great noww wwhat do you wwant me to do   
AC: :33 ◄ huh?   
CA: wwell dont you wwant to black mail me   
CA: use this info and threaten to tell vvris if i dont comply wwith your orders   
AC: :33 ◄ oh my gosh what are you talking about?   
AC: :33 ◄ i wouldnt do that!   
CA: really   
AC: :33 ◄ um duh   
AC: :33 ◄ what kind of person do you think i am? :((   
CA: yeah maybe you dont havve that kind of schemin blood runnin through your vveins   
CA: i alwways forget that im not speakin to bluebloods or somefin   
AC: :33 ◄ hey, i am perfectly capable of coming up with awfur schemes!   
AC: :33 ◄ i just like hearing about peoples romance lives and stuff, i dont want to blackmail you   
CA: creep   
AC: :33 ◄ i am not a cr33p!!   
AC: :33 ◄ shipping is fun, especially real life shipping   
AC: :33 ◄ you just never know what will happen!   
CA: so do you just ask random people howw often they pail   
AC: :33 ◄ ugh, shut up!   
AC: :33 ◄ sometimes i just ask people about it and sometimes they tell me and sometimes they dont! thats all   
CA: uhuh   
CA: so i guess you think youre pretty fuckin knowwledgable about romance an shit right   
AC: :33 ◄ ummmm i guess   
CA: in that case can i talk to you about somefin   
AC: :33 ◄ were talking right now   
AC: :33 ◄ thats what were doing   
CA: i mean fuckin talk specifically an shit   
CA: about specific shit related to your expertise   
AC: :33 ◄ um, sure?   
AC: :33 ◄ wait, do you want dating advice?   
CA: um   
CA: look just hear me out   
AC: :33 ◄ is this about fefurry   
CA: oh god   
CA: howw the fuck   
CA: i mean   
CA: no   
CA: not really   
CA: not at all   
CA: but say it wwas about fef   
AC: :33 ◄ you are so transpurrent   
CA: so you already knoww wwhat i mean to say   
AC: :33 ◄ um lets see   
AC: :33 ◄ is it something like   
AC: :33 ◄ ugh i got stuck into pale romance wwith fef an i think shes the best an i am flushed as heck for her an stuff   
CA: UGH   
CA: pretty much   
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33   
AC: :33 ◄ well, tell me more   
CA: more about fefurry or   
AC: :33 ◄ just explain the situation in specific!!   
CA: um   
CA: wwhere do i start   
AC: XOO ◄ JUST START ANYWHERE!   
CA: al fuckin right god damn   
CA: i am   
CA: im ridiculously fuckin flushed for fef   
AC: :33 ◄ wwhy are you flushed for her?   
CA: ARE YOU ASKIN ME TO EXPLAIN PITY   
CA: or lovve   
CA: OR WWHATEVVA the FUCK it is   
CA: the point is evva since i noticed her i havve been completely smitten   
CA: i cant go more than a fuckin hour wwithout thinkin about her   
CA: about her an her   
CA: an howw she   
AC: :33 ◄ gosh   
CA: shes just hot ok   
CA: and really kind   
CA: an   
CA: all sorts a things alright   
CA: you wwouldnt get it   
AC: :33 ◄ i get it   
CA: an she has just   
CA: the most fantastic blood runnin through her majestic vveins   
AC: :33 ◄ um ://   
CA: the royal lineage she carries   
CA: oh the fuckin things i WWOULDNT do to become her king   
AC: :33 ◄ do you really like her or do you just like her blood?   
CA: wwhat shut up   
CA: yeah of course i like her   
CA: the blood is just   
CA: a really fuckin big plus   
AC: :33 ◄ okay...   
CA: an i immediately wwanted to become her matesprit   
CA: but i fucked it up   
CA: so fuckin much   
AC: :33 ◄ so she got weird signals and you two ended up becoming moirails?   
CA: ugh   
CA: its the classic fuckin trap of red romance   
CA: an i just swwam in an got caught hook line and sinker   
AC: :33 ◄ thats too bad, ampurra :((   
AC: :33 ◄ i see this situation a lot!   
AC: :33 ◄ what you gotta do is tell her how you really f33l!   
AC: :33 ◄ trust me if you just let this keep going you will both end up frustrated!!   
CA: i knoww   
CA: and its all my fuckin fault   
AC: :33 ◄ i guess it is kind of a purrcarious situation!   
AC: :33 ◄ but you gotta tell her how you f33l   
CA: uuuuggghhhhh   
CA: i cant   
CA: ivve tried so many times but i just cant   
AC: :33 ◄ just give it a try, you can do it!   
CA: bluh   
CA: okay FINE ill fuckin try   
CA: maybe the tenth time wwill be the fuckin charm   
AC: :33 ◄ thats the spirit!   
CA: fuck   
AC: :33 ◄ go do it!   
CA: fuckin fuck

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 13:02 --

\---

Eridan opened up a chat window. This time... this time he would finally tell her.


	3. A Purrcarious Situation

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 14:01 --

CA: this is ALL YOUR FUCKIN FAULT  
CA: maybe if i didnt try to get advvice from FUCKIN GREENBLOODS i wwould be  
CA: NOT LOSIN MY FUCKIN MIND  
AC: :33 ◄ uuuummmmm  
AC: :33 ◄ did it not go furry well?  
CA: NO  
CA: IT DID NOT GO FURRY FUCKIN WWELL AT ALL  
CA: god fuckin damn it  
AC: :33 ◄ what happened?  
CA: guess  
CA: no seariously  
CA: givve me one fuckin guess as to wwhat fuckin happened  
CA: i can PERSONALLY FUCKIN GUARANTEE you that wwhatevva you fuckin guessed wwas fuckin right  
AC: :33 ◄ you broke up  
CA: yeah  
CA: no shit  
CA: did you take lessons from troll sherlock  
CA: or somefin  
CA: NOT EVVEN SOMEFIN I MEAN SOMETHIN  
CA: FUCK FISH PUNS I DONT FUCKIN CARE  
AC: :33 ◄ okay ampurra  
AC: :33 ◄ i s33 that youre upset  
AC: :33 ◄ but can you please calm down a little?  
CA: you need to fuckin apologize to me  
CA: its all your damn fault that im wwrecked  
CA: you need to take responsibility for your shitty fuckin ideas  
CA: i mean  
CA: howw fuckin stupid do you havve to be to fuck it up this bad  
AC: :33 ◄ hey, i know it was my idea, but you were the one who messed it up  
AC: :33 ◄ werent you  
CA: THIS IS EXACTLY WWHAT I FUCKIN NEED RIGHT NOWW  
CA: an guess wwhat cavve cat troll  
CA: i dont evven havve anyone to talk to about this  
CA: you wwanna knoww wwhy  
CA: I DONT HAVVE A MOIRAIL ANYMORE  
CA: THANKS TO YOU  
CA: THANK YOU  
CA: FUCK YOU  
AC: :33 ◄ ampurra calm down!!!!!

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 14:08 --

\---

Eridan let out a primal scream and flipped over his desk, tossing his computer monitor onto the floor and scattering the random papers stacked upon it. Rage-filled, he began pacing the room. His conversation with Feferi had gone just about as bad as possible. After going through the torture of having the information wheedled out of him, Feferi just flat-out told him that she had no flushed feelings for him. She made attempts at salvaging the moiraillegiance, but he had viciously cut it off and made some spare insults at her too. Eridan threw a book across the room. Great, now he had not only fucked things up for himself, but he probably made Feferi upset too. And how would Feferi's lusus gain nourishment without his help? Eridan kicked over a pile of gold. 

What was it his problem, anyway? She could figure it out on her own, she certainly never needed his help as a moirail anyway. She had just spent most of her time as moirail trying to placate him, after all. And then Nepeta... Eridan stopped and glared out the window, feeling a twinge of guilt. He knew that none of this was her fault, that she was just trying to help him. She was right, he was the one who messed it up, not her. He felt a strange sadness in imagining her upset over what he had said to her. Then again, why would he care about the sadness of a land dweller? They were nothing to him, she was nothing to him. 

Eridan looked around the room, suddenly feeling embarassed about his rage. His lusus floated by the door, looking concerned. Eridan picked up the book and turned his desk back up. To his relief, the monitor was fine, and the computer was unharmed by his outburst. He felt more depressed than anything at this moment. Everything he had ever wanted had left him, it seemed. His attempts with Vriska, his attempts with Feferi... Hell, even his relationship with Karkat seemed more distant nowadays. He had nobody to talk to, except...

\---

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 14:16 --

CA: okay  
CA: about those things that i said  
CA: i think that some of those things mighta been a bit hasty  
CA: in sayin so or  
CA: otherwwise fucked up  
CA: or wwhatevva  
CA: an i think i need to say that i am not condonin my behavvior that i had  
AC: :33 ◄ are you trying to apologize?  
CA: the only thing sea dwwellers need to apologize to land dwwellers for is bein better than them  
CA: but i guess i think i wwas wwrong to lash out at you like that  
AC: :33 ◄ you could just say youre sorry, you know  
AC: :33 ◄ i furrgive you  
CA: my life is ovver cat troll  
CA: i havve no quadrants an no companions or nothin  
CA: im just a wworthless fuck wwho cant evven admit wwhen hes wwrong  
CA: cause his ego is too fuckin big  
AC: :33 ◄ ampurra oh my god shut up!  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 ◄ stop with all the oh woe is me crap its lame  
CA: my emotions are not lame  
AC: :33 ◄ your emotions are more lame than the way you type  
CA: EXCUSE me  
AC: :33 ◄ i like shipping more than anything but romance isnt efurrything!  
AC: :33 ◄ just because you dont have any quadrants filled doesnt make you a shitty person  
AC: :33 ◄ but acting like a grumpy loser can make you seem like a shitty person!  
CA: im alwways a grumpy loser so i guess i am a shitty person  
AC: :33 ◄ thats not true! stop putting yourself down!!  
AC: :33 ◄ look youll get through this whole fefurry situation and then maybe after all that youll realize that maybe it was all for the best  
CA: all for the  
CA: you dont fuckin understand  
CA: ivve nevver cared about anyone or anythin more than fef  
CA: an i just  
CA: its completely ovva betwween us i just knoww it  
CA: and it REALLY FUCKIN SUCKS  
AC: :33 ◄ uggghhh stop making me f33l like this  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 ◄ its kinda hard not to make pale advances at you right meow  
CA: look im flattered by the offer alright  
CA: but im really kinda goin through somethin and id like it if you didnt flirt wwith me right noww  
AC: :33 ◄ oh shuuut uuup  
CA: hehe  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33  
CA: SIGH  
CA: wwhat am i gonna fuckin do  
AC: :33 ◄ ummm  
AC: :33 ◄ maybe you could try looking for a new meowrail?  
CA: oh yeah like wwho  
AC: :33 ◄ ummmmmmm hmmmmmmmm  
AC: :33 ◄ i dont know!  
CA: sea  
AC: :33 ◄ you could try doing something fun to get your mind off things!  
CA: i am hittin my head on my fuckin desk  
CA: you cant tell but thats wwhat i am doin  
AC: :33 ◄ i dont know what to tell you ampurra, im really sorry...  
AC: :33 ◄ its too bad things didnt work out  
AC: :33 ◄ hey, umm, maybe i can talk to fefurry for you?  
CA: WWHAT  
AC: :33 ◄ i could tell her that you really care about her  
AC: :33 ◄ and see if i can help in any way!  
CA: no thats a bad idea  
AC: :33 ◄ whyyyyyy?  
CA: wwell wwhat happened wwas  
CA: she kinda didnt  
CA: break up wwith me  
AC: :33 ◄ excuse me  
CA: i told her about my flushed feelins and then she wwas like im sorry but can wwe still be moirails and i said no and got really mad at her and left  
AC: :33 ◄ umm!  
AC: :33 ◄ in that case i could ask her to furgive you?  
CA: i dont knoww if anyone can salvvage that wwreck  
CA: i fucked up hard  
CA: an this time i dont think theres any goin back to be fuckin honest  
AC: :33 ◄ sigh  
AC: :33 ◄ well its okay if you dont want my help any more  
AC: :33 ◄ i guess ill leave you to it  
CA: wwait dont leavve  
AC: :33 ◄ :??  
CA: i havve no one else to talk to  
CA: im  
CA: i am so lonely  
CA: please dont leavve me here alone  
AC: :33 ◄ ampurra i cant talk to you like this!  
AC: :33 ◄ i might be tempted into some pale infidelity at this rate  
AC: :33 ◄ and i really dont want equius mad at me  
CA: wwe dont havve to talk about me  
CA: wwe could talk about anyfin  
CA: i mean anythin  
CA: anythin at all  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33, i guess if its not pale, we can talk  
AC: :33 ◄ just as friends, though, right??  
CA: yeah  
CA: lets just be friends


	4. Just Be Friends

Eridan looked into his mirror. Normally, at this time, his hair would have been properly gelled and mussed, his clothes fresh and crisp, his scarf wrapped snugly around his neck and his shoes tied tight and recently cleansed. Today, he looked terrible in comparison. He had no drive to awaken, much less make his appearance perfect. He hadn't even bothered to put on anything except his shirt and pants, and had made a half-hearted attempt at brushing his hair before giving up. He looked like a man who had lost everything. He sighed. Maybe he was. And it was all his fault.

He was bored with moping. He had already spent almost all of the previous night moping and crying bitter purple tears. When he slept, his dreams were a nonsensical haze of pink and green. Now, looking into his own baggy, depressed eyes, he felt ashamed. This wasn't the Eridan Ampora he wanted. This wasn't the face befitting a great military leader. This wasn't even the face befitting a sea dweller. This was just pathetic.

Eridan slumped over to his desk and sat down. Blankly, he stared at the computer monitor, still displaying Pesterchum. To his dull surprise, it looked as though Feferi had not blocked him. He narrowed his eyes. Perhaps there was still some salvaging this vessel. Now, however, he was far too drained to even try and annoy someone. He scrolled down to see if arsenicCatnip was online. To his inexplicable joy, Nepeta was online. 

He felt a presence enter the room. "Eridan, are you through sobbing yet?" his lusus asked him.

Eridan did not turn around to face him. "I don't knoww. Wwhat do you care?" he said bitterly.

After a few moments, his lusus seemed to leave. Eridan scowled. Stupid seahorse dad. He never understood. 

\---

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 9:06 --

CA: glub  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac bats at ampurras cape, wondering if he will start shouting again*  
CA: glub  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac uses her claws to make short work of ampurras dumb cape*  
CA: glub  
AC: :33 ◄ are you still really sad about last night?  
CA: glub  
AC: :33 ◄ did you lose the ability to type?  
CA: wwhy cant i just glub at you  
CA: i used to glub at fef  
CA: an she wwouldnt care  
AC: :33 ◄ i highly doubt that!  
AC: :33 ◄ and im not fefurry, so making fish jokes wouldnt even make a lick of sense  
AC: :33 ◄ i like cats not fish, so why would you glub at me?  
CA: meoww  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33  
AC: :33 ◄ you can do that all you want  
CA: meoww  
AC: :33 ◄ okay, not constantly!  
AC: :33 ◄ how are you f33ling today?  
AC: :33 ◄ cmon tell me :((  
CA: if you really wwant a knoww  
CA: im a fuckin wwreck  
CA: the cape you mentioned fuckin up isnt currently on me  
AC: :33 ◄ gasp! but dont you wwear your dorky clothing all the time?  
CA: usually  
CA: i dont feel up to it today though  
AC: :33 ◄ im sorry ampurra  
AC: :33 ◄ i guess its sort of my pawlt you f33l this bad...  
CA: no shut up  
CA: you didnt do anythin  
CA: all youre guilty a doin is givvin a fish troll some decent advvice  
CA: just cause i did a bad job followwin up doesnt mean you wwere the cause of any misfortune  
AC: :33 ◄ but i cant help f33line a little guilty!  
CA: rest easy cat troll youre in the cl33r  
AC: :33 ◄ wwhat wwas that  
CA: nothin  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33  
CA: anywway  
CA: enough about me  
AC: :33 ◄ a rare sentence for you to type, ampurra  
CA: ha ha  
CA: the laughter  
CA: but seariously wwhat havve you been doin lately  
AC: :33 ◄ other than f33line bad for weird fishy trolls?  
AC: :33 ◄ ive just b33n hunting and shipping and stuff  
AC: :33 ◄ the usual, i suppawse  
AC: :33 ◄ oh but yesterday i pawmost died!  
CA: wwhat howw  
AC: :33 ◄ me and pounce were clawing around a mountain and then a giant roarbeast came out of nyawhere!!  
CA: oh god  
AC: :33 ◄ it sunk its lioness claws into my coat! i didnt know what to do!  
AC: :33 ◄ then i had an idea!!  
AC: :33 ◄ i had some cat treats in my coat so i took them out and threw them into her meowth!  
AC: :33 ◄ the roarbeast was taken by surprise and let go and fell into a tr33 :((  
AC: :33 ◄ after retrieving the corpse i decided to take her home and use her for food  
CA: he he he  
AC: :33 ◄ its not really funny!  
CA: the dowwnfall of the beast wwas a couple a cat treats  
AC: :33 ◄ yeah and??  
CA: hehehe  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33, okay its a little funny  
AC: :33 ◄ but i dont like seeing a feline die!  
CA: i havve no qualms wwith killin fish  
AC: :33 ◄ yeah well maybe youre just heartless  
CA: how clawed you say that  
AC: :33 ◄ no cat puns!!  
CA: meoww  
AC: :33 ◄ dang it purridan  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33  
CA: meoww  
AC: :33 ◄ stop being kind of adorable and also quite dorky  
CA: i am not dorky or adorable  
CA: i am awwesome and smooth  
AC: :33 ◄ oh come on, not even you believe that!!  
CA: glub

\---

"You spend a lot of time talking to land dwellers," A voice said, making Eridan jump.

Eridan swivelled around. Seahorse dad was back, looking at him in disapproval. "Yeah? So? Wwhat does it matta?" Eridan snapped, turning back to the computer.

"What happened to world domination?" Seahorse dad said in his controlled voice. "The annihilation of land dwellers?"

"Shut up," Eridan said. "Did I ask you to come an fuckin' annoy me? Mind your own fuckin' business!!"

After a long pause, his lusus sighed and left the room again. Eridan returned to his conversation.

\---

AC: :33 ◄ what happened to weirdo asshole ampurra from the first time we talked?  
AC: :33 ◄ now youre clawmost fun to talk to!  
AC: :33 ◄ maybe im starting to rub off on you, huh?  
AC: :33 ◄ ampurra?  
CA: yeah maybe  
CA: hey havve you evver considered larpin  
AC: :33 ◄ im not allowed to larp  
CA: wwhy not  
AC: :33 ◄ equius's orders!  
CA: tell him to shovve off  
AC: :33 ◄ noo! hes just looking out for me, and what about all those people who get hurt larping??  
AC: :33 ◄ i think role playing is just as fun while also not resulting in your death  
CA: oh come on  
CA: ivve larped since i wwas a grub an im still here arent i  
AC: :33 ◄ what about tavros?  
CA: wwho  
AC: :33 ◄ you dont know tavros??  
CA: vvris might a mentioned him  
AC: :33 ◄ he got badly injured during a campaign once and cant use his legs  
CA: maybe he wwasnt fit to use them in that case  
AC: :33 ◄ ampurra  
AC: :33 ◄ thats m33n  
CA: wwell its the truth  
CA: its his fault if he got injured wwhile flarpin  
CA: he just didnt plan far enough ahead i think  
AC: :33 ◄ how could you say that??  
CA: howw couldnt i  
AC: :33 ◄ tavros is a good friend of mine and i dont want you making fun of him if at all possible  
CA: wwhat color is this guys blood  
AC: :33 ◄ what does it matter??  
CA: cause  
AC: :33 ◄ beclaws what?  
CA: cause i wwanna knoww  
AC: :33 ◄ it really doesnt matter!!  
CA: if it doesnt matta then wwhy dont ya tell me  
AC: :33 ◄ beclaws it matters to you  
CA: does it  
CA: are you suuuure  
AC: :33 ◄ YES  
CA: ok  
CA: but you can still tell me  
AC: XOO ◄ raaaaaaaaaaawwrrrggghhhhhh  
CA: tell me please  
CA: i wwanna knoww  
AC: :33 ◄ no  
CA: pleaaaaase  
AC: :33 ◄ no no no no no no no no no!!  
CA: just fuckin tell me  
AC: :33 ◄ i will never tell you!!!! XOO  
CA: is it bad  
AC: :33 ◄ no!!  
CA: is it like really loww on the hemospectrum  
AC: XOO ◄ hissssssssssssss!!!!!!  
CA: it is like red  
AC: XOO ◄ AMPURRA SHUT UP  
CA: is it browwn  
AC: XOO ◄ AMPURRA SHUT THE FUCK UP IT DOESNT MATTER  
CA: its browwn isnt it  
AC: :33 ◄ ok yeah its brown but it still doesnt matter because the hemospectrum doesnt matter!!  
CA: wwoww  
CA: a browwn blood  
CA: no wwonder  
AC: :33 ◄ shut uuuuuuuupppppp! it doesnt matter and all youre going to do is think worse of tavros just because he has blood thats low on the dumb scale of pointless colors!!  
CA: the hemospectrum does matta an thats pretty fuckin obvvious  
AC: :33 ◄ how???  
CA: wwell isnt it true that sea dwwellers are inherantly better than land dwwellers  
AC: :33 ◄ .  
AC: :33 ◄ ........  
AC: .... . ........... .  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhat did i say

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 9:52 --


	5. Inherently Better

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 10:03 --

CA: hey  
CA: cat troll  
CA: wwhere are you

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 10:13 --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 11:35 --

CA: hey  
CA: um  
CA: wwanna apologize  
CA: hit me up  
CA: i guess

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 11:58 --

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 12:43 --

CA: hey cat troll  
CA: i knoww youre there  
CA: you been on this wwhole time  
CA: can you stop ignorin me  
CA: please  
CA: cat troll come on  
AC: :33 ◄ that isnt my name  
CA: wwhats your name then  
AC: :33 ◄ wait, you dont know my name?  
CA: uhhh  
CA: nope  
CA: nevver really took the time to figure out  
AC: :33 ◄ seriously?  
CA: yeah  
CA: you alwways been either cat troll or arseniccatnip to me  
AC: :33 ◄ my name is nepeta leijon  
CA: nep huh  
CA: im eridan ampora  
AC: :33 ◄ yeah no duh!  
AC: :33 ◄ i pawready knew your name, ampurra  
CA: ampurra isnt my name you hypocrite  
AC: :33 ◄ okay fine ampora  
AC: :33 ◄ wait  
AC: :33 ◄ shut up!! im still mad at you  
CA: wwhy  
CA: wwhat did i do that made you so upset  
AC: :33 ◄ all that talk about the hemospectrum and stuff!!  
AC: :33 ◄ i hate all of that, its so dumb!  
CA: its not dumb  
AC: :33 ◄ IT IS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC  
CA: no you dont understand  
CA: if wwe didnt havve a hemospectrum howw wwould wwe knoww wwhos betta than anyone else  
AC: XOO ◄ NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE!!  
CA: then wwhy do highbloods do betta at psychic abilities an stuff  
CA: an lowwbloods are more susceptible to psychic attacks  
CA: an highbloods livve longer than lowwbloods  
AC: :33 ◄ ........  
AC: :33 ◄ okay even if all that is true!  
AC: :33 ◄ you still dont have any right to be mean to someone and judge them just because they have different blood than you!  
AC: :33 ◄ not having psychic powers doesnt make you a lesser person!!  
CA: no im pretty sure lowwbloods are inherantly wworse than highbloods  
CA: and landdwwellers pollute the seas wwith their atrocious filth  
AC: :33 ◄ um do we?  
CA: yeah   
CA: i get shit wwashed up on my shore all the fuckin time  
AC: :33 ◄ wait, shore?  
AC: :33 ◄ i thought you lived underwater  
CA: no  
CA: i livve in a ship wwreck on an abandoned island  
CA: it is impressivve an frightenin an keeps awway vvisitors  
CA: i use the proximity to the nearby mainland to plot the demise of landdwwellers  
AC: :33 ◄ what?? plot the demise of land dwellers?  
CA: uh yeah  
CA: thats my life ambition an evverythin  
AC: :33 ◄ oh my god  
AC: :33 ◄ are you serious?  
CA: yeah so  
AC: :33 ◄ you not only hate landdwellers  
AC: :33 ◄ but you want to kill us too?  
CA: yep  
CA: wwhats your point  
AC: :33 ◄ thats  
AC: XOO ◄ WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?!  
CA: they are inferior an must be eradicated  
AC: :33 ◄ i am a landdweller!  
AC: :33 ◄ do you want to kill me too??  
CA: er  
CA: no  
AC: :33 ◄ why would you want such a thing?? that makes no sense!!  
AC: :33 ◄ what about all your friends?  
CA: friends  
CA: wwhat fuckin friends  
CA: i am alone  
AC: :33 ◄ look  
AC: :33 ◄ im not going to spend my time talking to a psychopath who wants to kill everyone i know!  
AC: :33 ◄ you have issues ampora  
CA: wwait no dont block me  
AC: :33 ◄ im not gonna block you  
AC: :33 ◄ f33l fr33 to annoy me as much as you want  
AC: :33 ◄ but until you lose this whole kill all landdwellers thing i dont think i feel comfortable talking to you  
AC: :33 ◄ sorry  
CA: wwhat  
CA: come on  
CA: nep  
CA: can wwe talk about this  
CA: nep  
CA: hey  
CA: i cant just lose my ideals  
CA: i cant just drop all that  
CA: i hate landdwwellers  
CA: i hate lowwbloods  
CA: youre not a lowwblood are you  
CA: youre greenblood yeah  
CA: thats okay  
CA: youre not a lowwblood  
CA: i dont hate you  
CA: i guess  
CA: wwell youre a landdwweller but  
CA: ugghhhh  
CA: this is so confusin  
CA: i hate landdwwellers but not you  
CA: YOU CANT EXPECT ME TO JUST GIVVE UP EVVERYTHIN I LIVVE FOR HERE COME ON  
CA: ALL I DO IS MAKE PLANS FOR THE GENOCIDE  
CA: THATS ALL I DO ANYMORE  
CA: nep  
CA: nep  
CA: nep come on  
CA: COME ON  
CA: dont do this  
CA: dont   
CA: please  
CA: i can change  
CA: i can  
CA: no i cant change  
CA: i just  
CA: you dont understand  
CA: i dont knoww wwhy  
CA: honestly it doesnt really make sense  
CA: wwhy i should kill landdwwellers  
CA: but they are just inferior you gotta understand that  
CA: seadwwellers are powwerful an wwe can breathe underwwater an shit  
CA: its just common sense  
CA: since wwere better wwe should just get rid of landdwwellers  
CA: wwhy cant you see that  
CA: but i dont wwant to kill my friends  
CA: i guess i just dont want to kill you  
CA: or kar or kan  
CA: or vvris  
CA: an maybe one or twwo others  
CA: they can stay  
CA: maybe i could kill evveryone except you guys  
CA: no fine ill say it  
CA: i just wwouldnt wwant you to die  
CA: i dont think i can use the genocide devvice if it wwill hurt you  
CA: its just like  
CA: fuck this is stupid  
CA: wwhat am i talkin about  
CA: like  
CA: wwhen i talk to people its just like yeah wwhatevva im talkin to them  
CA: but wwhen i click on your icon an i talk to you  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: it just seems kinda  
CA: special i think  
CA: like i feel strange  
CA: like i really dont wwant to mess things up  
CA: um  
CA: i think its because i think you could be a good ally  
CA: or i just really wwant you to be my friend  
CA: to be honest me an kar  
CA: wwe havvent been talkin so much  
CA: wwe been gettin kinda distant yknoww  
CA: hes alwways busy wwith his hackin an he doesnt really havve the time a day for me anymore  
CA: maybe hes givven up on me  
CA: like yeah okay im the most fuckin pathetic seadwweller to havve evver a swwam in the big blue  
CA: obvviously nobody wwants to talk to me  
CA: im just a stupid idiot  
CA: an i guess its like  
CA: i just thought that maybe if i could havve one friend id be alright  
CA: but its not like that  
CA: wwhen i first talked to you i wwas desperate  
CA: i wwanted someone neww to talk to an i wwas feelin terrible  
CA: but ovver time i guess its like youre the only person i wwanna talk to  
CA: god damn wwhat am i evven talkin about  
CA: you stopped readin this forevver ago  
CA: so wwhatevver i say doesnt matter i guess  
CA: in that case ill just keep fuckin talkin  
CA: since it doesnt matter anymore  
CA: i just feel strange wwhenevver we talk  
CA: an evvery time you say somethin funny i smile  
CA: like actually smile  
CA: do you knoww howw often i smile  
CA: pretty fuckin rare occurence  
CA: shit should be announced wwith banners and trumpets an shit  
CA: so i get intrigued to figure out wwhat the fuck brings me to do that  
CA: this is ridiculous  
CA: SHUT THE FUCK UP AMPORA   
CA: YOU ALREADY FUCKED THINGS UP  
CA: wwhatevva  
CA: its been so long since i felt like this  
CA: an wwhen i confessed to fef it kinda felt odd  
CA: like she rejected me  
CA: an i wwas furious an sad  
CA: but then at the end of it all i kinda felt  
CA: i felt  
CA: kind of  
CA: relievved  
CA: i didnt wwant to admit it but it wwas there  
CA: i felt kinda happy  
CA: because   
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: but the day after it ended i was sittin in my desk chair  
CA: cryin my eyes out  
CA: an wwonderin wwhat you looked like  
CA: an i dont knoww wwhy  
CA: this is freakin me out  
CA: i dont wwant to say it because i knoww youd block me  
CA: i knoww youd just givve up on me  
CA: an im tryin so hard  
CA: to become the kind of person you could talk to an maybe once you could be the first one to contact me  
CA: because i knoww you dont care about me like im startin to feel about you  
CA: i go to sleep an before i drift off im thinkin about wwhen wwe could talk next  
CA: i cant say it because you wwouldnt believve me  
CA: youd think i wwas lyin or somethin  
CA: that i wwas jerkin you around  
CA: but you got me hooked an i dont understand it  
CA: somethin about the wway you talk  
CA: somethin about howw you are so calm but wwhen somethin pisses you off you let people knoww  
CA: an all that  
CA: i dont like it an i dont understand but  
CA: i think im flushed for you nepeta  
AC: WHAT

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 13:42 --


	6. I Dont Like It An I Dont Understand

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 14:05 --

AC: :33 ◄ ampora?  
AC: :33 ◄ hi  
AC: :33 ◄ ??  
AC: :33 ◄ ampora talk to me!!  
AC: :33 ◄ hey  
AC: :33 ◄ you cant do that  
AC: :33 ◄ you cant just say that and then just ignore me!!  
AC: :33 ◄ talk to me!  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 ◄ did you mean what you said?  
CA: wwhat did i say  
AC: :33 ◄ that you uh  
AC: :33 ◄ that you felt  
AC: :33 ◄ like you were  
AC: :33 ◄ flushed...  
AC: :33 ◄ for me?  
CA: wwhen did i say that  
AC: :33 ◄ like ten minutes ago!  
CA: nope dont remember that  
AC: :33 ◄ ampora i was reading the whole time  
CA: wwhy wwould you do that   
CA: you said you wwere ignorin me  
CA: you broke your promise  
AC: :33 ◄ i didnt pawmise anything!!  
AC: :33 ◄ did you really m33n all of that?  
CA: glub  
AC: :33 ◄ ampora cmon  
CA: i aint sayin nothin  
AC: :33 ◄ why not???  
CA: cause youd block me  
CA: an say i wwas just tryin a hit on you  
CA: like that wwas my wwhole plan all along  
AC: :33 ◄ i wasnt going to block you   
CA: can wwe just say  
CA: that i nevver said anythin  
CA: an just dont wworry about it  
AC: :33 ◄ no, i want to worry about it!  
CA: no id really rather not embarass myself further  
CA: im goin to havve no body to talk to by the end a the day  
AC: :33 ◄ just tell me if you meant it  
CA: i dont wwant to  
AC: :33 ◄ come on!  
CA: no  
AC: :33 ◄ do it  
CA: i refuse  
AC: :33 ◄ come on  
CA: no  
AC: :33 ◄ ampora  
CA: nope  
AC: :33 ◄ ampooooorraaaaa  
CA: no  
AC: :33 ◄ tell m33333!!!!!  
CA: NO JUST DROP IT  
AC: :33 ◄ please  
CA: no  
CA: i refuse an nothin wwill change my mind  
AC: :33 ◄ im asking beclaws  
AC: :33 ◄ i want to hear it  
CA: wwhat  
AC: :33 ◄ so come on!  
AC: :33 ◄ were you serious about what you said?  
CA: im not sayin  
AC: :33 ◄ eridan please im begging you  
CA: i  
CA: okay  
CA: fine  
CA: i mean it  
CA: i meant evverythin i said  
CA: are you happy noww  
AC: :33 ◄ not pawticularily  
AC: :33 ◄ but i dont think youre lying to me  
AC: :33 ◄ so you really are... flushed for me?  
CA: yes  
AC: :33 ◄ but  
AC: :33 ◄ why?  
CA: are you askin me to explain lovve  
CA: or pity  
CA: or wwhatevva it is  
CA: the point is evva since i noticed you i havve been completely smitten  
CA: i cant go more than a fuckin hour wwithout thinkin about you  
AC: :33 ◄ i f33l like you said this exact same stuff about fefurry!!  
CA: wwell its the truth  
CA: i used to think fef an me wwere star crossed lovvers but after wwe broke up i realized  
CA: maybe there wwas someone else i liked more  
AC: :33 ◄ weve only known each other for a few days!  
CA: i dont understand it  
CA: but its there  
CA: im sorry  
AC: :33 ◄ theres nothing to apologize for  
CA: isnt there  
AC: :33 ◄ no  
AC: :33 ◄ this hive of yours, where is it specifically?  
CA: um  
CA: a wwhile off the coast  
AC: :33 ◄ could you send me the coordinates  
CA: wwhat wwhy  
AC: :33 ◄ just do it  
CA: um  
CA: okay  
CA: 293048285930294  
CA: wwhy do you wwant this  
AC: :33 ◄ good thats purretty close to here  
AC: :33 ◄ im gonna pay you a visit fish boy  
CA: wwhat  
CA: WWAIT WWHAT  
AC: :33 ◄ s33 you soon! h33 h33  
CA: NEP WWHAT  
CA: ARE YOU COMIN HERE

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 14:53 --


	7. S33 You Soon

Eridan paced around the room in a nervous frenzy. He had thrown on his usual attire and made an attempt at fixing his tousled hair, but there was no way to salvage the hive. It was a complete mess. There were piles of gold and books strewn about everywhere. What was worse, although he didn't usually visit half of the rooms in his hive, they all looked trashed. He was going to make a fool of himself, he knew it.

Nepeta had said she was going to pay him a visit. What did that mean? Eridan stared at the ground, not seeing, clawing his hands through his already-messy hair. Surely she wanted to fight him. She was furious about his confession and wanted to kill him. Oh god. It was all happening so fast. Why did he tell her where he was? His life flashed before his eyes.

But maybe Nepeta wasn't coming to kill him... Maybe she was coming to... Kiss him? Eridan shook his head violently, sending his glasses flying. Why would she want to kiss him?? Especially after all that he had done, all the fuck-ups he had subjected her to... It was impossible, she couldn't... But what if...

As Eridan reached down to retrive his glasses, he heard a sound that could only be his lusus. Pushing the glasses up his face, Eridan turns quickly towards the doorway. Seahorse dad was there, looking... triumphant? "You appear to have a guest outside," his lusus said.

Eridan leapt to the window and his heart sank. A figure, a troll, was swimming in the threatening seas, coming straight for the house. He ran out the door and down his stairs, barely managing to avoid tripping. The front door lie dead ahead. He grabbed the doorknob, it opened. He rushed outside, to the dark shore, wind billowing all around him. He stopped in the sand, watching the figure rise out of the beach, shadowed by the dark clouds. The troll walked confidently over, their large green coat dripping. Eridan was in awe. Many trolls would have died just swimming over, but she...? 

The troll coughed. "Hey, Ampurra," Nepeta said. "Do you have a change of clothes?"

Eridan was unable to move. He was fully aware that he looked like an idiot, but he didn't care. He was transfixed. This couldn't be the one he spoke to, this couldn't be Nepeta. She was far too powerful, too tenacious. She swam through all that just to kill him?

"Hey," she said, causing him to start. "Can we get out of the cold, purrlease?"

Eridan stepped back, then pointed lamely at the hive. "Here," he said, dazed. 

Nepeta raised an eyebrow at him, grinning. "Is this your hive?" she said. "It's purretty cool!"

Nepeta walked past him, soaked to the bone. Eridan just swiveled his head and watched her for a second. Then she turned around, taking him by surprise. "Hey, Ampurra!!" she said. "Will you hurry up?? Is this any way to treat a woman? Show me your hive."

Nepeta grabbed his hand and forcibly pulled him walking. Eridan was shocked. She really was powerful. And someone was holding his hand. Eridan squirmed his hand under hers, trying to break free, but she redoubled her grip, almost crushing his hand. Together, they walked the short distance back to his hive.

Nepeta threw open the door and stepped inside the hive, allowing the release of Eridan's hand once inside. She closed the door and started looking around. "Wow," she said, staring around at Eridan's large foyer. "You designed this?"

Eridan blinked. "Yeah," he said. "I wwanted it to be... impressivve."

Nepeta whistled, then grinned at Eridan again. "Where do you keep your clothes?" she said. "I need to get into something less wet. I hate water!"

"You, you aren't..." Eridan said slowly. "Are you here to kill me?"

Nepeta looked confused. "Why exactly would I want to kill you?" she said. "I'm just gonna find something to wear myself."

Nepeta wandered off, her clothes leaving a clear trail of water on the ground. Eridan stood there awkwardly, considering her words. So she wasn't here to kill him? Then... Was she here to...? "Impossible," he said nervously. 

Eridan crept up the stairs, back to his study. He had absolutely no idea what to do. He could hit on people all he wanted, but when it came to actual interation, he was lost. He couldn't remember anyone being at his hive before, not even Feferi. The last person he talked to in person was Vriska, back when they used to FLARP together. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember what his voice sounded like. How many times had he spoken out loud since then? He only talked to his lusus, and rarely if that. He felt like an idiot. He should have some idea what to do in this kind of situation, being such a "master of romance". Nothing came to mind.

As Eridan made to go sit in his chair, he sensed someone walk in the room and turned. Nepeta was there... wearing his clothes. She had even put on a scarf and cape. The two of them looked like twins! Eridan felt deeply mortified. "Your outfit's a little big for me, but it's okay," she said, glancing around the study. "Wow, you have a lot of books..."

"Nepeta?" Eridan said, his voice cracking. "Wwhy are you... here?"

Nepeta shrugged and perched herself on Eridan's desk. "I guess I was just... interested," she said, looking at the floor. 

Eridan backed away a little bit so they wouldn't be close. "Interested? Wwhat is there to be interestin' around here?" he said nervously. 

"You," Nepeta said, looking up at him now. "I wanted to figure out more about you."

She stepped away from the desk and inspected the giant pile of gold and treasures. "You have a lot of gold... Is this all from FLARPing?" she said, turning her head towards him.

Eridan nodded. Nepeta put her hands on her hips and walked back over to him. "Hey, you're a lot more loud over the internet," she said, getting close. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

Eridan flinched at the terrible pun. "I guess you could say I'm hooked on somefin," he said. "Can't really say much wwhen you got the top half a your mouth speared, can you?"

Nepeta scowled at him. "What the heck kind of line is that?" she scolded. "That wasn't even a good pun."

Eridan backed away a little more, noticing how close they were. He could smell the sea water on her, and it made him feel a little strange. Nepeta crept forward and returned the closeness. "I just wanted to check you out a little," she said. 

She hesitated, then her face lit up with a green flush. "Nobody's ever told me they liked me before," she said, sounding apprehensive now. "I wanted to hear it for myself."

Eridan's eyes were wide. This was just like he had imagined. She was here because... "It's true," Eridan said, a little more confident. "I felt that wway about you before you came here."

"Before I came here?" Nepeta teased. "How do you feel right now?"

Eridan willed himself to keep talking. "Right now, I..." he said, feeling the heat rise in his face. "I think I might be a little more flushed than before..."

Nepeta's eyes widened too, blushing furiously. "I don't get it," she said slowly, staring at the ground. "You shouldn't be able to do this to me..."

Eridan stared at her. She raised her head. "All that you said, about feeling strange whenever we talk..." she heisitated. "I feel it too. It's how I felt when I first started talking to Karkat."

"Then..." Eridan said, looking into her eyes. "Then you feel--"

Nepeta put her hands on Eridan's shoulders, looking at the ground nervously. Eridan froze at the contact. He couldn't say anything. She looked up into his eyes. "I want to kiss you," she said. "Do you want to kiss me?"

Eridan nodded, breathing heavily. Slowly, Nepeta moved her head forward. Their lips touched, their eyes closed. After a few seconds, Nepeta pulled away from the chaste kiss. Almost immediately, she pushed back in, kissing much harder. Eridan had no idea what he was doing, but returned the kiss. The next time they broke apart, Eridan became aware that his hands were in her hair, holding her face. Nepeta had him in a close embrace. Eridan stared into Nepeta's eyes, seeing a reflection of himself in them. He didn't know what she was thinking.

Suddenly, Eridan burst out in laughter. Nepeta, surprised, backed away a little. "Wh-what's wrong?" she asked nervously. "Did I do it bad?"

Eridan put a hand up to his face to try and stifle the laughter. "I'm so... nervvous," he said between fits of the giggles. "That wwas... wway too intense..."

Nepeta started to giggle too. "Yeah!" she said, blushing. "So, you want to try some more?"

Eridan placed her back into an embrace, suddenly imbued with confidence. "If you wwant to," he said, grinning.

Nepeta laughed, and their lips touched once more.


	8. If You Wwant To

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 12:32 --

AC: :33 ◄ hey eridan  
CA: hi nep  
CA: howwd you sleep  
AC: :33 ◄ i slept great!  
AC: :33 ◄ thanks for letting me use your recuperacoon  
AC: :33 ◄ it must have been pawful sleeping without one...  
CA: nah  
CA: i havve twwo  
AC: :33 ◄ two??  
CA: yeah  
CA: in case somefin like this happened  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33 dork  
AC: :33 ◄ i guess i cant go home until my clothes dry  
CA: is that right  
AC: :33 ◄ yeah, good thing i threw them into the sea  
CA: heh  
CA: nice  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33  
AC: :33 ◄ we were up so late werent we  
AC: :33 ◄ i swear i saw sunlight by the time we went to sl33p!  
CA: yeah maybe  
CA: i wwasnt payin attention  
CA: i had someone more important to think about  
AC: :33 ◄ oh, stop it, youre embarassing me  
CA: hehe  
AC: :33 ◄ you know  
AC: :33 ◄ i dont know what got into me  
CA: i dont knoww wwhat got into you either  
CA: all i remember is seein you swwim through the entire sea an then just wwalkin onto the shore like it wwas no big deal  
AC: :33 ◄ oh, are you kitten?  
AC: :33 ◄ a swwim like that is no big deal for me  
AC: :33 ◄ im purretty STRONG  
AC: :33 ◄ equius taught me some workouts and stuff so no wildlife can take me down!  
CA: yeah   
CA: i noticed you wwere er  
CA: pretty slim  
AC: :33 ◄ h33 h33 when did you notice that?  
AC: :33 ◄ *ac winks at eridan*  
CA: heh  
CA: does he knoww youre here  
CA: havve you talked to him  
AC: :33 ◄ of clawse i talked to him! it took so long to coerce him into letting me come here  
AC: :33 ◄ but he understands  
AC: :33 ◄ i just had to work on instinct!  
CA: your instinct led you to me huh  
AC: :33 ◄ um yeah!  
AC: :33 ◄ to be honest i dont get it  
AC: :33 ◄ i dont know why i started to f33l this way  
AC: :33 ◄ maybe i acted too rashly  
CA: i think you acted just fine to me  
AC: :33 ◄ i think maybe i just wanted to see if you were serious  
AC: :33 ◄ but dont think im not still mad at you about this hemeowspectrum stuff!  
AC: :33 ◄ and the genocide thing!!  
CA: its done  
AC: :33 ◄ huh?  
CA: as long as you livve i cant bring myself to use any kind of genocide devvice  
CA: so landdwwellers can rest easy  
AC: :33 ◄ i dont believe you  
CA: im so serious right noww  
AC: :33 ◄ okay  
AC: :33 ◄ show me  
CA: are you using my computer  
AC: :33 ◄ yep  
CA: ill be right there

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 12:50 --

\---

Nepeta swivelled the chair around as Eridan entered the room. Eridan noticed that she had ditched the scarf and the cape but she was still wearing most of his attire. It affected him strangely to see her wearing his clothes as well as wearing such a seductive look on her face. "Good meowning," Eridan said.

Nepeta hopped out of the chair and stood in front of him. "Hey, I'm the only one allowed to use cat puns!" she said. 

Eridan placed one hand on her hip and another on her cheek. "Jeez, already?" Nepeta said, blushing. "Didn't we do enough kissing last night?"

Nepeta threw her hands into Eridan's messy hair as they kissed, slowly, romantically. "Nevver enough," Eridan said against her lips between kisses.

Eridan marvelled at the way Nepeta's eyes stared beautifully into his own, the way the strange smell of sea salt and slime resonated off of her body, the way she tried to hide her embarassment. He felt so confident, more confident than ever before. He didn't quite understand why she wanted him, but he wanted her, bad.

The two of them stood there looking into each others eyes for a while. Slowly, Nepeta broke eye contact and glanced at something to the left of Eridan's head. Eridan glared over his shoulder, noting his lusus lurking in the corner of the room. How long had he been there? "Get out," Eridan said. "Leavve me alone."

Eridan's lusus complied and sulked away, his eyes lighting with amusement. Eridan scowled and looked back at Nepeta. Nepeta smiled dreamily up at him. "So, what do trolls do for fun around here?" she asked. 

Eridan released her and grabbed her hand, leading her around the room. "Wwell, usually I wwrite up plots or research military tactics," he said, motioning to the bookcase. "Sometimes, I go out on a campaign, thus all of the gold..."

"So, you do nothing all day?" Nepeta said. "You're pretty boring. Maybe I'll have to go after all."

Eridan looked over at her smiling face and the tips of his mouth twitched. "Do you wwanna try FLARPin'?" he asked. "Wwith your strength, I knoww you'd be good at it."

Nepeta looked both interested and apprehensive. "Equius says I can't," she murmured. "It's too dangerous."

Eridan scowled, baring his teeth. "He doesn't knoww wwhat hes talkin' about," he said. "I been FLARPin' for a long time, an' I'm still here. An' I bet anythin' I'd lose to you in a real fight."

Nepeta fished in her pocket and retrieved one of her claw gloves. "Yeah, probably," she said. "I'd turn you into fish sticks if we ever fought!"

She put away the glove and added, "Well, Equius still wouldn't want me to FLARP. If he found out we not only kissed, but that you convinced me to FLARP, he'd flip out!!"

Eridan considered this. He glanced at Nepeta out of the corner of his eye and noticed she was staring at him again. He turned his head to her, grinning. "Maybe one a these days, I'll havve a wword wwith Eq about all that," he said.

Nepeta shrugged. "I wouldn't if I were you," she said. "He really doesn't like you."

Eridan scratched his head. Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to get a STRONG guy like that angry. He glared around the room, looking for something fun they could do. To his disappointment, his own interests were rather self-contained and he had little for two people to do at the same time. He looked over at Nepeta again, who was still looking at him adoringly. He needed to find something for them to do as soon as possible, or else she might get bored.

"Hey," Eridan spoke up, taking Nepeta by surprise. "Wwhy don't we role play or somefin?"

Nepeta's eyes lit up. "Okay!" she said. "What should we role play about?"

Eridan hadn't planned on this snag. He considered it for a moment. "Wwe could pretend to be companions like in those awwful movvies Kar talks about," he said. "A couple wwho livve together an' wwhere the male goes an' wworks all day wwhile the female stays at the hivve an' cleans."

Nepeta gave him a sarcastic look. "Wow, that sounds so much fun," she said. "But I think we can do better."

Nepeta wandered over to Eridan's bookcase and started pulling random books, much to Eridan's chagrin. "H-Hey, most a those are originals!!" he said.

Nepeta found a notebook and started flipping through it. Eridan's heart sank. Surely, that wasn't his... "You write novels?" she said, amazed. "Novels about wizards?"

Eridan grabbed the notebook and tried to tug it out of her grip, but he knew it was no use. Nepeta easily held on and continued reading. Nepeta started giggling. "'The great an' most powwerful a wwizards, the legendary Eridan'??" she said, allowing him to snag the book at last. "You never told me you like magic."

Eridan unceremoniously tossed the notebook out a window and watched it flutter onto the beach. He knew that his face was fully flushed. "That wwas... I d-don't..." he stammered. "MAGIC IS FAKE AS SHIT AN' EVVERYONE WWITH A FUCKIN' BRAIN KNOCKIN' AROUND IN THEIR HEAD KNOWWS THAT!"

Nepeta's arms wrapped around him from behind, causing him to gasp. "I know what we can role play," she whispered into his ear. Eridan shivered.

"Ab-so-fuckin'-lutely NOT," Eridan said sternly. 

Nepeta spun him around, presumably so he could see the manic look on her face. "Maybe I could be your appawrentice?" she said. "A follower of the great magician!"

After looking at the expression on Eridan's face for a couple seconds, her smile faded. "Magic is fuckin' fake," he said. "I am not goin' to PRETEND THAT MAGIC IS REAL!"

The amused look on Nepeta's face returned. "Hey, you're missing the point of role playing," Nepeta smiled. "It's all purrtend anyway, so why not make the situation itself purrtend?"

Eridan folded his arms and turned away from her. "If wwe can pretend to be wwhatevva, wwhy does it havve to be sorcerers?" he said, baring his teeth. "I don't wwanna go back to those times."

Nepeta stepped in front of him. "'Go back to those times'?" she asked, curious. "You mean, you used to role play as this wizard character before?"

Eridan flushed again. "No, NO, NO!" he said. "I mean... maybe, back wwhen I wwas twwo swweeps, but not fuckin' recently..."

Nepeta left the room, much to his surprise. Immediately, Eridan was filled with doubt. Was she leaving? Did she get fed up with him? Oh no, she was going away forever and she would never talk to him again... "Wwait! Nepeta!" he said, running out of the room. "Don't leavve! I'll role play! Wwhatevver you wwant!"

He rushed up to his room and found Nepeta putting on one of his larger capes. "Oh, you will?" she said, clasping her hands together. "That's purrfect! I was just going to show you my appawrentice uniform!"

Eridan ran his hand through his hair, embarassed about getting panicked. Would he ever stop being such an overdramatic freak? Before he even noticed her moving, Nepeta had crossed the room and pushed him into the wall, kissing him deeply. "O Great an' Most Powerful Legendary Eridan," Nepeta breathed. "please allow me to become your appawrentice..."

Eridan stared off into space for a couple seconds, then gained an angry look on his face. Nepeta backed away, scared that she had enraged him. To her surprise, Eridan threw his hand up so his cape flew up. "I must wwarn you, Miss Leijon," he said in a booming voice. "in order to be my apprentice, you must have an amazing grip over magic!"

Nepeta jumped up and down, clapping. "Oh, I do, Mr. Legendary Eridan!" she squealed. "I ranked top three in wizard class back at the acatemy!"

Eridan turned away from her dramatically, smiling wildly, baring his sharp teeth. "In that case," he said. "I accept you as my apprentice."

He turned back to Nepeta and folded his arms, looking several inches taller inexplicably. "Becomin' a wwizard is a hard an' arduous journey," he said. "You must be powwerful! You must have faith! An'... you must become my matesprit!"

Nepeta's smile faded and she looked at the ground nervously. An eerie silence grew between them. "Um," Eridan said, dropping his arms. "A-am I goin' too fast for you? Do you need to think about it?"

Eridan noticed her anxious face and pushed into full panic mode. "Wwait, I mean, it wwas all part a the role play!" he said nervously. "No need ta evven think about it like... That is, does your CHARACTER wwant to... Not necessarily wwith me, but wwith..."

"Okay," Nepeta murmured, looking back up into his face. "You're my matesprit, and I'm yours."

Eridan felt a combination of shock and joy. He was once again rendered unable to move. Nepeta walked towards him, and he felt a charge of something between the two of them. Something like love... or perhaps lust? "Eridan," she whispered, blushing again, grabbing his hands in her own. "Something about the way you make me feel... And how you're such a dork..."

"Whatever! It doesn't matter why I feel this way!" she said, looking into his eyes. "I don't want to ever leave your side, and that's all that matters."

Eridan slowly grew a smile. "Wwas that all... in character?" he asked, running his hands up to her shoulders.

Nepeta shook her head, staring at him with what could only be adoration. 

"Shut up and kiss me."


End file.
